Leaving the hospital prior to arriving here I was in the elevator with my father and my cousin. This cousin of mine was a wealthy black man a few years older than I, whom I concluded that couldn't be my actual cousin because he was black and my parents were white. And so, after my fathers suggestion, we fell in love, like there had been a history, he would take care of me, if I were to die, his love would make it okay. And if I were to live, if medicine was available, his money would make it available to me.
The camp we were in together- there were games going on, on the edge of the sea, with tidal pools and thick green evergreens, warm salt water, lots of other people who were engaged in their own stories- I saw a woman with freshly shaven white lambs wool that she was beginning to felt with the salt water, and then a group of three following two lambs up one of the tidal pool rock enclaves. I asked for a bit of wool- my energy had to be conserved. A friend, Emilie, was making a large balloon out of soft shell blue crabs- someone needed the shells for something else, generously and without hesitation she gave her collection to this person. She had been collecting these shells for years, she concluded that she would never get enough to make the balloon and to give the shells away would be better.
There was no conclusion when I woke, I was comforted, death not far. It came back to me when my room mate told me her poop had been red, from beats.
